Don't Let Me Wash Away
by MoonytheMarauder1
Summary: Sirius runs after Remus, but Remus keeps slipping out of his grasp—until he doesn't. Wolfstar. Modern/Muggle university!au. Warnings for mild scopophobia and mentions of an attack.


**A/N: Hey y'all! This was written for Hogwarts. Prompts are below. :)**

**Ritual and Ceremonial Magic Task 7: Write a fic featuring the trope "opposites attract"**

**Word Count: 3924**

**Note: This is a modern/muggle university!au**

**WARNINGS: Some mild scopophobia, mentions of an attack**

**A million thanks to Angela for beta'ing (and for catching my plot holes and typos, because there were a lot of them XD)!**

**Enjoy!**

"You're so pretty, you could be on a Christmas card."

Remus looked up in surprise, startled by the deep voice that had spoken so close to him. He was greeted by a pair of grey eyes staring directly at him. Reflexively, Remus looked over his shoulder, trying to find the person the man in front of him had addressed.

But there was no one there. Remus' face flushed as he put the pieces together.

"Oh," he muttered, his hands bunching the dark, forest-green material of his jumper. "Erm. Thank you?"

The man grinned, and Remus wished it wasn't so criminally attractive. It was the most blinding smile he'd ever been on the receiving end of, which Remus considered just unlucky. Attractive men didn't approach him unless they wanted something he couldn't give. Usually, it was the opportunity to do their university homework.

The man stuck out a hand. "Sirius Black," he introduced. "I saw you across campus and had to come over."

Remus shook the proffered hand gingerly, With his long black hair and leather jacket, Sirius Black was the exact opposite of Remus, who was all gangly limbs and soft jumpers. He wasn't quite naive enough to believe that he'd garnered the attention of this man on his own; there had to be a catch.

"Remus Lupin," he said softly. He ran a hand through his tawny curls anxiously, frowning slightly when he saw Sirius trace the movement with his eyes. "Can I help you?"

Sirius stuck his hands in his pockets and leaned against the tree by the bench Remus was perched on. "Yeah. I was wondering if you fancied going out for a coffee sometime? There's a place nearby that's rather good."

Remus blinked. "I—er." He swallowed thickly. His eyes darted about, taking in the number of people who'd slowed to watch their exchange. Sirius was well-known at the university; Remus knew he was a big success on the football team, though he'd never met the other man before now.

Now students were taking out their phones, and Remus remembered that Sirius also had a reputation for pranking people. His cheeks grew even redder; he was not going to be the victim of some practical joke.

Remus got up from the bench, and Sirius' eyes lit up with anticipation.

"Sorry," Remus said carefully, "but I'm a bit busy. Uni work, and all that."

Sirius' grin faltered. "You can't spare a moment within the next week?"

Picking up his bag, Remus began to edge away from the scene, _extremely _conscious of the cameras on him. He shuffled through the snow, trying desperately to keep his eyes on the ground, hoping he wasn't walking into a trap. "Maybe later."

Sirius seemed to falter, but Remus was gone, walking briskly through the snow—and most importantly, away from all the eyes.

* * *

"So, let me get this straight. Sirius Black asked you out, and you said no?"

Remus shot Lily an exasperated look, which she returned with a smile. She was lounging on the sofa of his apartment, her brows raised as she regarded him.

Biting his lip, Remus turned back to his papers. "That's pretty much it, yeah."

Lily huffed and sat up, her long red hair swinging over her shoulders. "You're an idiot," she stated.

"Uh-huh."

"Remus!" Lily stood and crossed the room, her arms folded over her chest. With deft fingers, she plucked his work from his hands, ignoring his protests. "Come on. I'm not saying it has to be Sirius Black—goodness knows I can't stand Potter, so I don't see why Black would be any better, though I haven't met him—but you can't just shy away from everyone who wants to get to know you."

"That wasn't what this was," Remus argued weakly. "You weren't there, Lily, you didn't see… He asked me in this crowd of people who started filming everything." Remus lifted a shaking hand to trace one of the scars on his face; a habit when he was feeling self-conscious. "It seemed more like I was the punchline of some joke."

Lily stared at him for a long moment, seemingly caught between going to comfort him and trying to hunt down Black. Luckily, she chose the former option.

"Hey." She sat beside him and wrapped a thin arm around his shoulders. "He shouldn't have done it in such a public place, but just because people were filming doesn't mean that he was planning some joke. Everyone just expects him to make a spectacle of himself."

Remus stood abruptly and walked into the kitchen; Lily followed close behind. "Well, that's the problem, isn't it? Even if it was real—and it wasn't, I'm sure—I can't take that kind of scrutiny."

Lily's brow furrowed, but she didn't try to argue with him. "Okay," she said reluctantly. "But promise me that you'll try to meet some people and stop hiding in your flat."

Remus huffed out a quiet laugh, his mood lifting slightly. "I promise."

"Excellent. Now, what does a girl have to do to get some dinner around here?"

Remus tossed a take-away menu at her in answer.

* * *

"Hit me."

James didn't even look up from his computer. "No, thanks. Mum says your frequent requests for punishment are unhealthy."

Sirius groaned and flopped down onto the bed beside James, burying his face in the junction between James' thigh and hip. He groaned loudly. "But it was so embarrassing, Prongs."

Now James turned to him with interest. "Yeah? What'd you do?"

Sirius lifted his face so he could pout at his friend. "You are entirely too gleeful about this."

James tilted his head to the side, his hazel eyes and grin completely unapologetic. "I am," he agreed. "Now, what happened?"

Sirius closed his eyes and tried not to wince as he recalled the afternoon's events. "I finally found Lupin. He was reading on a bench, looking completely dorky in his jumper."

James raised a brow. "And?"

"And I asked him on a date… but I think I scared him off."

"Oh, I'm sure it wasn't that bad." James did that hair ruffle thing that Sirius privately thought was a bit stupid, and shifted so Sirius was forced to sit up. "What did you say to him?"

Sirius felt himself color slightly. "I… told him he was pretty enough to be on a Christmas card."

Moments passed in silence. Finally, James took off his glasses and ran a hand over his face. He pinched the bridge of his nose when he spoke.

"You… you do realize that that's coming on quite strong, yeah? And that you've never spoken to him before? And that that's the _worst _pick-up line I've heard in my life?"

"Oi!" Sirius crossed his arms over his chest, growing defensive. "It was the first thing that came to mind… and it's true."

"Sirius." James sounded very distressed. "Most people want to get to know a bloke before entering into a meaningful relationship with them—which is what you want, yeah?"

Sirius slumped and bit his lip. "I… yeah, you're right. But I panicked! How was I supposed to know he'd run?"

James shook his head. "By using your head, mate. By using your head. A stranger comes up, corners him, and hits on him—what was he supposed to do, thank you?"

"He did do that, yeah," Sirius recalled suddenly.

James dropped his head into his hands.

* * *

The universe must really hate him, Remus thought, because the next day, Sirius showed up at the cafe during his shift.

Grey eyes lit up with surprise, and then a grin took over that handsome face. He didn't appear embarrassed by the way Remus had run off the previous day, though whether that was a blessing or a curse, Remus wasn't sure.

"Hey there," Sirius said, lifting a brow. He shot Remus a winning smile, leaning an elbow on the counter. "Do you come here of—"

Another man, whom Remus recognized to be James Potter, clapped a hand over Sirius' mouth. "It is so important that you don't finish that sentence," he groaned. Then he turned to Remus apologetically. "Sorry, mate. He needs caffeine before he can function well in society. Two lattes, please?"

Remus fought down his embarrassment and rang up the orders. "Sure thing," he said with a small smile. "They'll be right out. Can I have a name for the—"

"Hey, I know I came off a little strong yesterday," Sirius interrupted, "and I'm, you know. Sorry about that. _But" _—he spoke loudly enough that people were beginning to look over— "I wanted to know if you'd at least give me a shot?"

"Oh." Remus glanced around. People were whispering and pointing, and _taking out their cameras._ Maybe Lily was right—maybe this wasn't a joke to Sirius—but he hated being on film more than almost anything else. "Erm."

James' hazel eyes glinted as he watched Remus; perhaps he'd understood the reason for Remus' hesitation. Whatever the case, he turned to his friend. "Sirius, this isn't the place—"

"I don't know if you've ever noticed this," Sirius continued, giving no sign that he'd heard James and staring directly into Remus' amber eyes, "but first impressions are often entirely wrong. I mean, mine was awful, but have you ever met anyone whose first impression was accurate?"

James grabbed Sirius' arm and began dragging him away to the other end of the counter. "Sorry about him!" he called over his shoulder. "Still half asleep, he is."

Remus shot James a hesitant smile, then turned to the next customer sheepishly. Before he could ask her for her order, he heard James mutter to Sirius, "That was a pretty shit second impression, you idiot."

Remus bit back a sigh and turned back to his work. After three more hours of trying to smile as strangers stared at the scars on his face, Remus clocked out and walked towards the cafe door, emotionally drained. He managed to muster up a smile when he saw Lily waiting for him outside, though.

Then he saw the smirk on her face and wondered if he shouldn't run for the hills.

"Hey," she said, her green eyes sparkling. "You've had an _eventful_ day, haven't you?"

Remus groaned, his face flushing as he remembered the scene from earlier that afternoon. "How much of that did you hear?" he asked a bit desperately.

Lily shrugged and reached over to squeeze Remus' hand. "All of it. But you know…" She side-eyed him, her amusement replaced with seriousness. "He didn't seem to be playing with you, Remus. Why not give him a chance? You obviously like him—no, don't give me that, I know you well enough to tell."

His protests falling silent, Remus stared down at his shoes. Slowly, he took his phone out of his pocket and opened the first social media app he could find. It didn't take long for him to discover infinite posts of the encounter with Sirius. Some photos were clearer than others, but it was obviously Remus and Sirius in all of them.

Every caption said much the same thing: _how and why is it Remus Lupin?_

Remus handed the phone over to Lily, who scrolled through the posts with a frown on her face. "I just… I kinda get rejected a lot," he murmured, thinking of… quite a few past instances involving both boyfriends and family members. "I don't need everyone else's rejection, too."

For a long moment, Lily didn't respond. It was strange to see her so quiet—so still—and Remus shifted uneasily from foot to foot as he waited for some sort of response. Finally, Lily took his hand and tugged him over to a nearby shop, where there weren't many people.

"Remus, I know life hasn't been easy for you… but putting off your own happiness because of what others might say isn't healthy. You need to do things for yourself; if the rest of the world always influences your decisions, you'll be miserable forever." Lily handed him back the phone. "And this will blow over. They'll find some new gossip soon enough."

Remus took back the phone, his hands trembling. Logically, he knew she was right. This wasn't personal to him, it was just a byproduct of Sirius' popularity and would fizzle out once the story got old. But emotionally, things weren't that simple.

Remus looked at Sirius and knew that they wouldn't fit together. No matter that Sirius was handsome; attraction wasn't a foundation for a relationship. And Sirius didn't even know him, so it wasn't as though he truly _liked_ Remus.

Or at least, that was Remus' justification. "I'll try, Lily," he muttered. "But everybody wants a happy ending, right? And it doesn't always roll that way."

She was about to protest, he knew, but he didn't pay her much mind. He'd said what he was feeling.

It was the best he could do.

* * *

Sirius watched Remus and the redhead walk down the street, chatting with the comfort of familiarity. His stomach clenched at the sight; why was it that Remus was so open with that girl? He'd barely been able to look Sirius in the eye.

The horrific thought that Remus wasn't interested in men flitted briefly through his head, but Sirius quickly banished the thought. There were signs, he reminded himself, and Remus gave off some of them. Besides that, Sirius _had _to believe he had a chance. He'd go mad otherwise.

From beside him, James clucked his tongue in a way that was much too reminiscent of Mrs. Potter. "Sirius, stop staring at them."

"I can't help it," Sirius hissed, his grey eyes still glued on the two friends—couple?—and refusing to acknowledge James. "How come she can talk to him, but whenever I try I'm pushed to the side?"

A gentle, yet firm, hand fell on his shoulder. "Padfoot… you haven't been doing a good job of watching him."

Sirius turned to James incredulously, and the slightly shorter man hastened to explain. "I mean, you keep asking him out in these very public settings; people see and start pulling out their phones. _That's_ when he starts getting nervous. He seems like a private person, and you need to respect that, mate."

Sirius was silent as he digested James' words. "You don't think he likes being on film?"

"I don't think he likes being in the public eye at all. He doesn't like the limelight."

Biting his lip, Sirius tugged at his dark hair. "I'm… in the limelight a lot."

Sirius hadn't grown up in a place where praise had been easily given. He craved the recognition that came from the opinions of others, whether the attention was positive or negative. It really hadn't occurred to him that Remus might prefer to fly under the radar.

James, though, was nodding. "I know. You'd have to moderate, if you're serious about this—and you are, aren't you?"

Slowly, Sirius nodded. James seemed pleased, and he patted Sirius on the back. "Right. That's good, then. Let's see if we can't figure something out—I think that girl's in one of my classes…"

"You don't think they're dating, do you?" Sirius blurted out, glancing back over his shoulder to glare at the redhead who was hugging Remus.

James rolled his eyes. "It's Lily, mate. The girl I've been telling you about—no, they're not dating." James cleared his throat. "I looked into that ages ago."

Pleased with this information but unwilling to pass the opportunity to tease James up, Sirius lifted his brow. "So, you only _think_ she's in one of your classes, huh?"

"Shut up."

* * *

Remus tugged anxiously at his navy tie and glanced at Lily through the mirror.

"Remind me why we're getting dressed up?"

Lily pursed her lips, carefully applying rouge to her freckled cheeks. "I told you, I want to try out that new place—and don't give me that look. I know it's expensive, but I'll pay. I have to do something with the money Petunia sent me, don't I?"

Petunia Dursley, née Evans, had a husband who wasn't in want of much; she liked to flaunt it to Lily in whatever way possible. Remus sighed softly. "Oh, all right. But only to help you waste your sister's money."

Lily grinned wickedly at him and shot him a thumbs up. "Knew I could count on you," she muttered.

It was only when they were at the restaurant that Remus realized something was wrong.

There were two blokes standing by the entrance, chatting amiably with each other; Remus recognized them as James Potter and Sirius Black. Panic flooded him, and he rounded on Lily. "What have you done?" he hissed.

Lily was infuriatingly unapologetic. "I said yes to a date with James Potter, and it seems he's brought a friend along, like I did. Got a problem with that?"

"I'm not an idiot, Lily," Remus grumbled, dragging his heels on the pavement as Lily grabbed his arm and hauled him towards the two men. "I know what game you're playing."

Lily sighed, looking extremely put-upon—which was unfair, Remus thought with a pout. "Listen, Remus, if you don't like the conversation, just leave. It's not _your_ date." She looked at him pointedly, and Remus realized what she'd given him: a chance to test the waters, but with a built in escape route.

He wasn't sure whether he should hug or strangle her.

"Fine," he said reluctantly. "But never do this to me again."

Lily snorted and stood up on her tiptoes, tilting her head up to peck him on the cheek. "Atta boy. Now come on; let's go snag you a man."

"I thought this was your date."

"Let's go snag _us_ a man, then."

Remus hesitated for a moment, amused but still nervous. But then—then he began wondering what he would do if he let this opportunity slip by. After a moment, he decided he'd had enough of what-ifs.

"You know what? You're right. I'm done hiding." He took a deep breath and ran a hand through his tawny hair. "Let's go."

Lily's grin was blinding, and she eagerly tugged Remus the rest of the distance. When James caught sight of them and nudged Sirius to alert him of their presence, Remus felt his face grow warm; but he refused to let that deter him. He'd make an effort this time.

Of course, it helped that no one was trying to snap his picture.

"My dear, lovely Lily!" James exclaimed, his eyes lighting up at the sight of her. "Beautiful, as always."

Lily rolled her eyes, but Remus knew her well enough to know that she didn't entirely mind the compliment. "Flattery doesn't work on me, Potter. Now, come on; I'm starving."

She switched out Remus' arm for James' before guiding him inside, leaving Sirius and Remus standing awkwardly beside each other. After a moment, Sirius reached over and held open the door. "After you."

Remus nodded his thanks and walked inside, scanning the interior until he found a table near James and Lily's. He made his way over and sat down, his eyes on the table. He wished desperately that he could think of something to say to Sirius, but his mouth was completely dry.

From a short distance away, Lily saw his dilemma. "Remus," she said softly, but loudly enough that James and Sirius could hear, "don't you dare get anything cheap. I meant it when I said to get whatever you want; don't be a gentleman."

She said no such thing, of course—such things went unsaid between them now—but he recognized that it was a warning for James and Sirius as well. While he nodded, the two other men shared a look.

"Lily," James began, "I'm more than happy to cover the bill—"

"I'm paying, Potter," she interrupted with a note of finality in her voice. There was a glint of triumph in her green eyes. "No arguing."

Remus took pity on James, who appeared flabbergasted. "She means it, you know. There's no point in protesting; I've tried that before."

James opened and closed his mouth, but Sirius let out a bark of laughter that sent Remus' heart pumping. "Thanks, Evans," he said appreciateively, picking up a menu. "Nice of you."

Now, Remus' life wasn't just some whimsical romance, but when Sirius winked at him, he thought he might melt.

The first few minutes of the meal passed in relative silence between himself and Sirius, though Lily seemed to be having a grand time in forcing James to be non-traditional. Sirius seemed amused by it as well.

"You're friend's got spunk," he said at one point, looking almost impressed.

Remus laughed as he took a sip of his water; he didn't drink, for personal reasons. "This is tame for her. James is in for a surprise."

If Sirius was surprised by the easy response, he didn't show it. Instead, he tilted his head to the side. "He really likes her, you know." Then he swallowed. "I… I really like you."

Ah. There it was. Remus stared down at his glass, carefully avoiding Sirius' gaze. "Well… thanks. But you don't know much about me."

"I know I made a right fool of myself those first few times, and I'm sorry about putting you in that position."

Caught off guard, Remus looked up. Sirius sounded sincere, and Remus was surprised by the truth in his own words when he spoke. "I don't blame you for those posts. But… thanks for the apology."

Sirius nodded and took a bite of his meal. "People take pictures of me a lot, you know. I do some stupid shit, which is great for their likes." He looked Remus in the eye. "It's not an excuse, but I really want to go on that date with you. I promise I'll do my best to limit the number of people around, and I'll try not to do anything to attract attention."

"Scopophobia," Remus blurted out. When Sirius looked at him in confusion, he looked down at his salad but barrelled on. "It's the fear of being stared at. I can manage it okay, I guess, and it's not as severe as some cases… but I. That's why I kept brushing you off." He was mortified by his own daring, but he looked up to meet Sirius' eyes, _daring_ him to laugh. It sounded like a simple, trivial thing, but it was what a large portion of Remus' world revolved around. He wasn't going to pretend like it didn't exist.

Remus could remember when Fenrir, an old boyfriend, attacked him in an alley several years ago. He remembered the flashes of cameras of the people crowding around as the paramedics tried to help him. He remembered his newly-mutilated face on every Welsh news channel and newspaper.

Most of all, he remembered the whispers and pointed fingers and the _stares_ of everyone he came across afterwards. It was the main reason he'd opted to go to school in London.

But it seemed that Sirius was full of surprises. "Okay," he said simply. He offered his hand to Remus, palm-up; a gesture of acceptance and an offer of comfort. "Fair enough."

Remus debated for a moment, but he let his hand fall on top of Sirius'. His voice was quiet when he next spoke. "Okay."

Sirius wrapped his fingers around Remus'. "So… can I take you out on a proper date sometime? James said Lily had to trick you into this one."

Remus' lips twitched. "I'm not opposed to that," he admitted quietly.

It was time to try and move forward, after all.

**A/N:**

**WC: Assorted Appreciation: 3. "You're so pretty you could be on a Christmas card." BONUS**

**WC: Disney Challenge: C7. Write about a crush**

**WC: Trope of the Month: 14. "How much of that did you hear?"**

**WC: Space: 15. (color) grey**

**WC: Book Club: Stanley Yelnats IV — (word) unlucky, (action) giving a thumbs up, (emotion) worried**

**WC: Showtime: 7. (weather) snowy**

**WC: Amber's Attic: 16. Write about someone who has had a rough life BONUS**

**WC: Press Play: 25. "Hit me."**

**WC: Liza's Loves: 30. "I just… I kinda get rejected a lot." BONUS**

**WC: Angel's Archives: 7. (character) Remus Lupin**

**WC: Scamander's Case: 13. (genre) romance**

**WC: Bex's Basement: 6. "It is so important that you do not finish that sentence." **

**WC: Film Festival: 23. (word) problem**

**WC: Marvel Appreciation: 13. "Everybody wants a happy ending, right? But it doesn't always roll that way." BONUS**

**WC: Lyric Alley: 2. And what have you done**

**Fortnightly: Christmas Who?: 15. "You're an idiot." / "Uh-huh."**

**Fortnightly: Bookworm Club: Series of Unfortunate Events: "I don't know if you've ever noticed this, but first impressions are often entirely wrong."**

**Galleon Club: (genre) romance**

**Northern Funfair: Winter Bingo: [21] (color) dark green**

**Eastern Funfair: Angel Tree: Sirius Black: (pairing) wolfstar, (trait) jealous, (dialogue) "You know what? I'm done hiding. Let's go."**

**Southern Funfair: Paper Chains: SiriusRemus - (color) forest green**

**100\. Whimsical**

**913\. (trait) jealous**


End file.
